31st December.

Every year begins with old memories and new hopes. Like any other ordinary person, I too wake up on the first morning of every year with new enthusiasm. Anticipating to see, what all exciting moments are in store for me!

The past years of my life taught me a lot. Every passing day added in me, an ingredient of being someone better, than what I was before. Few days were really tough, I admit, but they were balanced by the days which made me smile with happiness and joy. I carry my own baggage of regrets, but they are like my proud scars reminding me of how I grew as a person out of them. I have many failed plans and many failed ‘to-do-lists’, but they don’t restrict me from making new resolutions again the next day. I lost many people by the virtue of my actions, but now I am backed by only those who truly care and stayed back no matter what!

I understand we all have to move on with this cycle of life. That is why whenever we feel that we are getting rut in our own comfort zones, ‘uncertainty of life’ slaps us back on our feet! Well, this is called the real beauty of our existence-The transiency of life.

So here we are, standing again at the Nexus of, a past behind us and a future ahead. But before I step up to breathe the new air, let me soak in the present first. I want to fall back and re-live the flashbacks of 2017. The year which changed so much in me. I want to live the last before the beginning…I want to live 31st.

unnamed.jpg

Advertisements

My Parents are my God.

We look for God in temples, in churches, in mosques, in gurudwaras, in old needy people, in nature, in science, in literature, in past and in the future.

But ignore the place where God of every living being lies, inside our very own parents! I don’t know who the God is? or How (s)he/it looks like?, for me, my everything are my parents. They are my God. They created me. They fed me and kept me safe. They have nurtured me to my own self. Whenever I was scared and in need of something, I begged to God to help me out, whom I never saw materialising but my parents were always by my side trying their level best to provide me the best of the things they can afford. Though they never told it to me, but they have wounded themselves emotionally as well as financially to satisfy my hitherto needs always.
I always used to blame them for overburdening me with their high expectations which I could never meet. But now I realise why you were never as happy with my younger siblings’ highest of achievements like scoring 97% or excelling at sports, as you were with my even sub-average scores of 80s…. because for you both, your entire attention and source of happiness came from your ‘first love’ which was Me…your first child, whom you both have always loved so dearly always! (I am sorry my younger siblings, but Mumma and Daddy can never love you as much as they love me)
I know how selfish I have been always. I remember shouting at you and making you run after me, even if you were unable to walk! I have barely considered and acknowledged your love for me. I know how much I have hurt you with every act of mine. I know how many limits I have crossed to drive you both at the point where you have just lost hope in me maybe. And I also know that no matter how much I apologise, I can never undo the hurt I have caused to you both till now throughout my 20 years of life. I am sorry.
I am not saying that God does exist or does not exist. I just don’t know and neither do I want to put in the efforts to know that. Because I don’t care. All I care is that you both are my everything. My God, My love, My family, My friend, My entire universe.
And as the years go by and I see your body aging, I can still not prepare myself to wake up on that kind of a day where I don’t have you both with me. I am sorry but I can not think of living without you maa and Dad.
Please don’t leave me alone in this world! I don’t know if I will be able to make you both proud of me ever. But trust me maa n dad, I try.

You are my everything.
I love you more than what any word in human language can express.
-Your creation and your very first love
Your daughter❤️